Regrets Part 2...

It has been a little over three years since the last time I mentioned regrets, and recently I have realized that a few regrets have creeped into my life and they are very hard to remove and get over. To be fair to the people involved in my life I will not mention the names of the people. Rest assure that your places in my mind and in my heart are still on solid ground. These regrets are something that I must deal with because they are my own issues.

Regrets are like warm piles of "land mines", as much as you try to avoid them at some point you will step right into one and have one heck of a time scraping it off your shoe. I know in time I will get rid of the regrets, but one of my regrets is of a very personal nature. I allowed myself to be blinded by desire and stepped so deep in the regret that it has become a hard crust that can not be cleaned away with a simple cleaning. 

I will admit that this one regret has haunted me for several years and has been part of several of my weekly/monthly problematic reoccurring dreams. Different situations are presented in the dreams but the end result is still the same when I awake. The dreams seem to taunt and tease me of what could have been instead of what should have been done. Like I said before, I was blinded by desire and that desire is still a major factor in everything that I do today. 

There are times when I think, "ok, I have to change for this person, maybe that will resolve the issue".  WRONG, because I don't change for anyone, I am happy with myself and if a person cannot accept me for who I am, then they won't be in my life at all. I do accept constructive criticism, because I do value the opinion of others. I am the final judge in what changes I will make to my life. If you don't believe me, then try me, I can promise you that you will not like the end result. When I get the smallest hint that things are not what them seem and a person has played me for a fool, I end it and move forward. I don't get even, I just forget that you even exist, but if you really push me, that is when the bad side of me comes to the surface and I will teach you the meaning of regret.

People always ask me, if I would do this or that again in my life. My typical answer is always, been there, done that, won't go back. I really mean it too, because I have been asked by several people, "why don't you get remarried"? NOPE, was married, it didn't work out right, don't need to do it again. But that is me, that is who I am. Nothing against my ex at all, we are best friends now and can tell each other anything. When I end relationships, and that person wants to get back together, I nicely say no and keep going forward. No explanation, no excuses, just a plain and simple, no because I allow people in once. After that once and we move apart, I don't look back and I don't go back. Why go backwards, it is hard enough just going forward most days, why backtrack and have to go over the same damn steps twice.

I will admit one thing, this long lasting regret is worth fighting for in my honest opinion, I just hope that there is enough time left in my life to enjoy things when the regret is removed. If not, then I just will have to move on with a broken heart and block everyone from getting close to my heart for my remaining days, weeks, months, years.