Release stress...

Do you have those moments when you feel stressed but you are not sure why you feel that way?  Well for me, I am having one of those moments right now.  Why?  I have no clue.  I am sitting on my best friend's sofa, watching a rerun of "House" on the Bravo channel.  I am not really paying attention to the show, other than when House gives another one of his brutal jerk like comments to other people.  I have the television on for the noise and to keep me awake so that I can make the attempt to type this blog for the night.

When I am stressed, I try my best to distract myself with something else to do or something else to think about for a period of time.  Although lately, those techniques are not working for me any longer. In moments when I am alone, I find my mind quickly going to the "problem of the day".  Only one problem with that...I no longer have any options, on how to solve the problems, because I am so tired of everything.

Now that is another stressful issue, because everyone that knows me, knows that I never get tired of everything, because I try to be diplomatic about all things.  I always tell people that one of my greatest personality traits is the fact that it takes a lot to make me mad, because I have a large amount of patience.  But just like a lake covered in ice in the spring...the ice is getting thinner as the days go by.  Some days I can make it through with no problems, and others I am ready to just snap. The big question who or what is going to be that breaking point?

Some people say that you should write down those things that upset or make you happy so that you can further define what are the causes for each.  To be honest, if I wrote down what makes me upset, then I will be writing for a rather long time.  For example, the "upset" things I can think of right now:  getting older and feeling my health is starting to slip away, drastic reduction of income, a growing distrust in people around me, a complete lack of a sex-life, a dislike in the neighbors living around me, etc.  As for those things that make me happy...right now, I have none of them around me or available to me.  No they are not illegal, so get that out of your mind.  I want a lot of candy, ice cream, sodas...yes all of those things that make you gain weight.

I have never been the type of person that gives a damn what other people might think of me, and I prefer that those people actually approach me and speak the truth to my face.  That way, I have the chance to learn from them what they do not like, and I can quickly determine if I am going to work on changing myself, or just tell that person to go "F..k yourself".  Now that by itself is bad, because I normally would never say something like that to anyone.  But I find myself wanting to cuss people out for doing stupid things, for treating me badly, for not helping me satisfy my own needs.

Am I just getting to the age where I start to reject the ridiculous and only want to deal with facts?  Am I becoming a cold-hearted person based on my life experiences?  Or have I just finally got to that one point with my life where I am tired and looking forward to the time where I can put life on cruise control.  I am tired of the rat race and everything that goes with it, but I am not fooling myself, I know I have to get back into the rat race. But I think it is the rat race that has me ready to self commit myself to a mental hospital just to get some rest from everyone.  (For those immediately around me, if you are reading this, don't over react because I am not in the mood to deal with whatever damn drama you want to give based on this writing.  Remember, this is my own personal writings and I can say whatever I want to say.)

I know there is one major stress that I have right now, and I don't know why, but I don't trust the things people say to me at all.  For once I wish people would just get to the point, tell me the facts and ask me for my opinion without a bunch of bullshit words.  Get to the point already, I don't want to hear everything that leads up to the primary topic/issue.  It would save you and me a lot of time when you talk with me.  There are a few people around me in the last few days that got the chance to experience my "get to the f..king point" mood and I know it was a great shock to them.  I am sorry for that mood, but quite frankly...I am tired of listening to everyone's problems and when it is time for me to have problems, NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME.  How do I know they don't...because they all do the most rude thing in the world...interrupt me while I am trying to talk about what is making me upset.

I get started, then the next thing I know, the person I am talking with either starts to watch TV, type on a computer, change the conversation or try to relate to me by telling me something from their past that has nothing to do with what my issue might be.  When I get those responses when I am looking for help, I start to shut down and become a cold bastard.  Yes I can be cold heartless bastard if I really wanted to because I have it in me to be a total asshole if I really want to be.

Oh well, most people that read this will just say that I whining about things, and maybe I am, but I would love for those people to walk a day in my shoes.  If you don't walk a day in my shoes or don't have the same desires that I have for life, then maybe it is just the right time for you to be honest with me and clear the air.  Because either you are wasting my time or I am wasting your time.  Make a choice and make the right choice, because life is too short for me to have a lot of excuses, lies, fake facts and bullshit in my life.

For those that know I am cool with you, then stay the same and just duck when I get to the point where I am ready to snap.  But make sure that you know for a fact that I am cool with you, because you will be surprised how short the list is for those people that I am ok with.  Matter of fact, not giving any names, but there are only 4 people that don't have to worry about me going off on them at some point in time and they are all female.