Relationships

How many relationships do you have in your life?  How do you build a strong relationship?  How do you know when a relationship is going bad or getting better?  Is there signs for when a relationship is is unhealthy even if everything seems to be going just fine?

I know when I was younger, the older generations would tell me that a strong relationship would depend on how much time and effort each person would put into keeping the relationship strong.  Usually with conversation, care, concern, understanding and the lack of being selfish.  People would try their best to work together to solve problems that would arise in the relationship.  Sometimes they would work it out and then there were times that the problems would just get harder to work out.

Now I am not just talking about a relationship that you have with a spouse, because there are several other kinds of relationships out there.  It could be with a co-worker, family member or friends.  Of course if it is with a spouse there is more importance on working through any problems to maintain the marriage.  But we all know that there does come a time in which some relationships just fade away in time.  Is that because there wasn't a strong foundation created prior to the relationship?

When I think back over the years and look at the different relationships that I have had, I realize that some of those relationships are no longer there.  It seems like as I get older, I find myself wanting to reduce the number of relationships that I have because it is harder to maintain all of them at the same time.  I know certain friend relationships are still there because friends still call or email me from time to time just to say hello.  There are some friends, that I have not heard from for many years, yet I still love them just the same.  Yes I said love because to me that is what they earned from me...my love and to know that they are loved.  There are certain friends from my past that always put a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart when I just think about them.  All of the fun and sad times that we have spent together over the years.  I guess I can assume that those relationships are cemented in a firm foundation.

There are some relationships that I think about and just wonder to myself...why am I even around this person.  Not because they are mean to me, but because it seems that the value of that relationship was exhausted due to problems not being worked out.  Would that be my fault or their fault or just a combination of both.  I will not assume that I am perfect because I know I am not, so I default to thinking that the fault is mine. Well at least I used to think that way until a few months ago.

One night when I was feeling very alone and seemed to have lost my way, I started to think about all of the friends that I had such wonderful times with and how I never hear from them at all.  Did I do something wrong, did I hurt their feelings in some way and never realized it?  I thought about the last moments that I was with each friend and tried to analyze if something went wrong or if I missed something.  With the exception of one friend, which I know I did something to make him angry at me, the other friends I have no clue why our relationships are not still there.

I have always taken pride in the fact that I have so many friends all over the place, but it seems like as I get older, those relationships are sliding away from me, year by year.  How many times have you told yourself, "I will give _______ a call next week".  Then before you know it, it is next year, then next decade and so on.  I have done that with some of my friends too much and then regret it when I hear bad news later on about that friend or one of their loved ones that I knew as well.  It's not like me to lose touch with those that are near and dear to my heart.  But I guess that is no longer true, since I have not tried to reach out and touch many of my old friends.  (Facebook and email doesn't count to me)

Is there signs for when a relationship is starting to fall apart?  I believe that there are several signs, but most of the time we just don't want to deal with it and fool ourselves into thinking that things will get better.  Well things do get better but only because those in the relationship choose to ignore or side-step the problem without trying to resolve the problems.  Once you have enough things ignored or piled up on the side you may notice how hard it becomes to tolerate the little things that you did mind previously.  Is that being true to yourself or those in the relationship?  No it is not!  There are too many people that stick with relationships just because they are comfortable with it or they are afraid to lose the relationship.  Some people in relationships become dependent upon the other person/people so they can't let go of the the relationship.  It can quickly seem like a jail cell that you can not escape.  Each bar in the cell is another item from the relationship, and after awhile you have built a maximum security prison in which there is no escape and you have been given a life sentence.

I guess the best thing to do to prevent that prison is take the time to look at the relationships that we have in our lives and determine if it has the potential to become a prison cell.  If it does then you need to take the step to correct the problems, or let go of the relationship.  I know some people will say "easier said than done"...well it is easier said than done, because you really need to evaluate the relationships you are in and find out if it is worth it.

Now that I think about it, relationships are like investments, because depending on how much you put into it, will determine how much you get out of it.  But you also have to remember that just like some investments, you can still turn a profit, but end up hurt in the long run.  When you start to see a dip in the relationship, it is time to take a good look at things and decide to ride it out and hope for a rebound, or pull out and invest somewhere else.

For me, I have not pulled out any investments, and decided to ride it out with all of my relationships.  There are a very small few relationships that are critical to me, but it seems 1 or 2 of them is on the decline and no matter what I do, I just can't get that relationship back to the level it was before.  I keep telling myself that it will get better, but the longer I wait, the older I get and the more set in my ways I become.  I really don't want my relationships to crash and I am not looking for mega profits, but I do want them to be enjoyable again.  Lord knows I have put as much effort as I can into them, now lets just see if those in these relationships find any worth or value in me.  If they don't, then I wish they would just tell me now so that I can gain closure!